Is this the face of a champion? (NSFW)

If your first thought in seeing the picture above is, "DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT THING?!?", you're not alone, that's all I gotta say. Well that and close your browser before your boss sees what's on your screen.

No, that's not the Zodiac killer, it's Cadel Evans. Looking odder than ever at the Team Silence Lotto presentation, he suddenly finds himself elevated by the ASO to Tour favorite. What's that? The organizers of le Tour are picking favorites? Well, yes, after a fashion. Indeed, last season's Doping All Stars, Team Astana, freshly stocked with doping investigation subject and Tour winner Alberto Contador, not to mention third-place Levi "peak too soon" Leipheimer, are living a teenage girl's worst nightmare, not being invited to the party of the year.

Clearly the French are done with losing le Tour to Spaniards and Americans. Of the 22 Tours run since the last time a Frenchman won (1985, if you're not old enough to remember), 10-11 have been won by Americans and 7-8 by Spaniards, depending on how you count. By banning Astana from the 2008 edition of cycling's big dance, both the leading Spanish and American contenders are removed from the race. Quelle coincidence!

Incredibly, possibly the next favorite on the list, eternal contender / occasional finisher Andreas Kloden is out too. When I'm done recovering from the shock (of seeing Cadel's pic, natch), another favorite will come to me, but by then he'll probably be banned too. If someone can think of a French rider who's won a Pro-Tour race of consequence, let me know. I'll do a piece on him as a Tour '08 front-runner.

Who needs makeup when you can have an Orca?

Clinique boardroom wall, unknown photographer.

I'm never, ever leaving home again without my CR1. Seriously! Carbon fiber is the new black. Or something. Those ten pounds the camera adds? Gone with CF. Blemishes and zits? Poof! they are no more. Is your ass in danger of dragging on the ground? Nuh-uh, not with a plastic bike. Just ask Eva Longoria. Why would she ever go out without her Basque carbon fiber extravaganza when with it she looks like this and without... like this. Tony Parker, are you listening? Get that frame crash replacement policy in order, stat!

Frank Schleck is a homo...

Feeling uncomfortable, Frankie?

...phobe. In a curiously unattributed Competitive Cyclist article full of deep truths such as "do not think a group ride of Cat 3's is anything like a pack of pros", Frank Schleck is shown, nay, put on display for having problems with man love. Frank takes issue with being called a "faggot" by a passing jackass motorist. A pro cyclist, someone who rides 20,000 miles a year never has been called queer before by a lazy, fat slob driver? Frank must not ride much in the US of A. Credit to the author for citing the Alpe d'Huez and Amstel Gold winner for having a hate problem, but one has to wonder if there's more to the story.

Imagine if that yahoo saw that Frankie shaves his chest.

Someone should sit Frank Schleck down to watch "American Beauty" before he does something truly rash.

Don't call it a comeback

Yes, the Cycopaths are back. And when I say "Cycopaths", I mean platogrande. And when I say back I mean "for now". You may be wondering what happened to us? Were platogrande's Catalan origins discovered while in Madrid, leading to months of torture in a cellar under la Puerta del Sol? Was Mr. 60 rubbed-out by an elite Team CSC tactical unit? (as a team-building exercise, of course).

Alas, the truth is not as interesting. Yours truly, platogrande has been busy riding (some cycling bloggers really do ride) and working long hours. Mr. 60? What's been keeping him away? Well, we Cycopaths believe a picture is worth a thousand words:

She only comes out at night

As for the promised ContaCoverage from Madrid, here, only four months late revealed for the first time, are the Cycopaths' exclusive photos from ContaCraziness in Madrid at the end of the '07 TdF.

Contador was everywhere, in the newspapers...

on the TV,

and even in the water supply!



But nowhere was there a hint of the doping allegations heard everywhere else in the world. Madrid was thrilled to have a local product win a prestigious event such as "el Tour". The funny thing was how everyone, right down the mayor, called a "Madridleño". The guy is from Pinto, not Mardid. Saying he's from Madrid is like saying Mary J Blige is a New Yorker because she's from Yonkers. I can't blame the folks from Pinto for being excited, though, and excited and dorky they were:

Months later, though, the question still remains: did Cadel lose to a doper?

Is there a hint of guilt in that smirk?

T-Mobile hangs-up

No more Euros for you, foo'!

T-Mobile today said to cycling today, "we r thru". Yes, the multinational megatelco that shrugged off Sergui Gonchar (or is it Honchar?) and Jan Ullrich doping scandals apparently found young Patrick Sinkewitz' transgressions to be too much. The question that remains is, was it the EPO or the testo that did it? Seriously, if Sinkewitz had only done one or the other, but not both, would have that been enough to save the sponsorship?

We may never know the answer. Speculation may begin, though, on what the new team kits will be like. Perhaps they plan to borrow Unibet's kit while they court a new clueless title sponsor.

Linus Gerdemann would make this look good

Word has it that the squad will race as "Team High Road", with the team named after the management company that operates it. Is this an indication of a plan to operate "dope-free" like the American "Team Slipstream"? Cycopaths' intrepid European correspondent, Old Dirty Sprinter has evidence that supports this theory, having obtained exclusive photographs of what is believed to be the teams new emblem:

In a madmam's dream...

Cadel still isn't going to win

It has been suggested on these very pages that perhaps I don't like Australians. That's not true, at all. However, I admit to being pleased to see Cadel Evans doing his thing: hanging around but not winning anything (unless, of course, Vino is formally stripped of his TT win for being a doper). Why does the sight of Cadel admirably hanging on then getting dropped like a bad habit make me feel warm and fuzzy? It must be because I know he won't win. All signs, in fact, point to Cadel finishing second or third in Paris. By his own admission, the last TT doesn't suit his characteristics, so too bad, maybe next time, Cadel! In fact, the Cycopaths are so confident, that we plan to give live or near live on-the-ground coverage of what is no doubt going to be a jubilant celebration in Madrid. That's right, this reporter has packed his folding bike and is off to Alberto Contador's hometown. If you're wondering where my lazy colleague Mr. 60% has gone, he's been busy commenting on other blogs.

Deutschland Uber Doping

Today's "oh snap" moments come to us courtesy of T-Mobile's Patrick Sinkewitz. Not only did the former Tour of Germany winner put a 78 year old Tour fan into a coma with his teeth (how does that happen?), but now reports are coming out that he's just like everybody else a doper. That's right, another positive testosterone test. The result? German TV is done with le Tour. Never mind the fact that the positive test was taken during a training camp. Sure it was shortly before this year's Tour, but what next? Can we assume that if news comes out that the East German Olympians doped back in the day (shocking!) that Beijing '08 is off the sched too? I hope our readers in Germany get Eurosport!