Indurain won six Tours

One more finger, Miguel.

As we, the Cycopaths prepare our 2007 Tour de France previews, I find myself reflecting on the 1996 Tour. I still believe that our hero, Miguel Indurain, had he not cracked because of Bjarne "Mr. 60%" Riis' attacks, would have controlled the race and won. However, recent developments have led me to the conclusion that he is the real winner anyway, despite his "11th" placing. On to the investigation!

Consider the GC of the '96 Tour. The top three had more EPO in them than a whole ward of recovering cancer patients. Laurent Dufaux, Festina, need I say more? Luc Leblanc we know was a doper -- just read between the lines of Graeme Obree's book about the time he kindasortamaybe went pro with le Groupement. Ugrumov was Raimundas Rumsas before Rumsas himself, i.e. doping for sure. Olano? Known doper. Escartin, well, not sure there but I'm sure we can dig something up. Rominger, look at his hour record numbers and try to tell me he didn't have track marks between his toes. That leaves only Peter Luttenberger ahead of Indurain, and nobody's ever heard of him since so he too was probably on something (inconsistency is the hallmark of the doper!).

So there you have it, we now know why Lance went for number seven: the "top ten" of the '96 Tour should have been DQ'd, and Indurain awarded his sixth victory. ¡Aupa!