Is this the face of a champion? (NSFW)

If your first thought in seeing the picture above is, "DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT THING?!?", you're not alone, that's all I gotta say. Well that and close your browser before your boss sees what's on your screen.

No, that's not the Zodiac killer, it's Cadel Evans. Looking odder than ever at the Team Silence Lotto presentation, he suddenly finds himself elevated by the ASO to Tour favorite. What's that? The organizers of le Tour are picking favorites? Well, yes, after a fashion. Indeed, last season's Doping All Stars, Team Astana, freshly stocked with doping investigation subject and Tour winner Alberto Contador, not to mention third-place Levi "peak too soon" Leipheimer, are living a teenage girl's worst nightmare, not being invited to the party of the year.

Clearly the French are done with losing le Tour to Spaniards and Americans. Of the 22 Tours run since the last time a Frenchman won (1985, if you're not old enough to remember), 10-11 have been won by Americans and 7-8 by Spaniards, depending on how you count. By banning Astana from the 2008 edition of cycling's big dance, both the leading Spanish and American contenders are removed from the race. Quelle coincidence!

Incredibly, possibly the next favorite on the list, eternal contender / occasional finisher Andreas Kloden is out too. When I'm done recovering from the shock (of seeing Cadel's pic, natch), another favorite will come to me, but by then he'll probably be banned too. If someone can think of a French rider who's won a Pro-Tour race of consequence, let me know. I'll do a piece on him as a Tour '08 front-runner.

Don't call it a comeback

Yes, the Cycopaths are back. And when I say "Cycopaths", I mean platogrande. And when I say back I mean "for now". You may be wondering what happened to us? Were platogrande's Catalan origins discovered while in Madrid, leading to months of torture in a cellar under la Puerta del Sol? Was Mr. 60 rubbed-out by an elite Team CSC tactical unit? (as a team-building exercise, of course).

Alas, the truth is not as interesting. Yours truly, platogrande has been busy riding (some cycling bloggers really do ride) and working long hours. Mr. 60? What's been keeping him away? Well, we Cycopaths believe a picture is worth a thousand words:

She only comes out at night

As for the promised ContaCoverage from Madrid, here, only four months late revealed for the first time, are the Cycopaths' exclusive photos from ContaCraziness in Madrid at the end of the '07 TdF.

Contador was everywhere, in the newspapers...

on the TV,

and even in the water supply!



But nowhere was there a hint of the doping allegations heard everywhere else in the world. Madrid was thrilled to have a local product win a prestigious event such as "el Tour". The funny thing was how everyone, right down the mayor, called a "Madridleño". The guy is from Pinto, not Mardid. Saying he's from Madrid is like saying Mary J Blige is a New Yorker because she's from Yonkers. I can't blame the folks from Pinto for being excited, though, and excited and dorky they were:

Months later, though, the question still remains: did Cadel lose to a doper?

Is there a hint of guilt in that smirk?

Cadel still isn't going to win

It has been suggested on these very pages that perhaps I don't like Australians. That's not true, at all. However, I admit to being pleased to see Cadel Evans doing his thing: hanging around but not winning anything (unless, of course, Vino is formally stripped of his TT win for being a doper). Why does the sight of Cadel admirably hanging on then getting dropped like a bad habit make me feel warm and fuzzy? It must be because I know he won't win. All signs, in fact, point to Cadel finishing second or third in Paris. By his own admission, the last TT doesn't suit his characteristics, so too bad, maybe next time, Cadel! In fact, the Cycopaths are so confident, that we plan to give live or near live on-the-ground coverage of what is no doubt going to be a jubilant celebration in Madrid. That's right, this reporter has packed his folding bike and is off to Alberto Contador's hometown. If you're wondering where my lazy colleague Mr. 60% has gone, he's been busy commenting on other blogs.

Mr. 49%? I hope not.

Fabulous Fabian Cancellara's win in yesterday's Stage 3 of le Tour was absolutely thrilling. Well, until about five seconds after he crossed the line, when I remembered which team he is on and who runs that team. Any fan who is not skeptical these days of any fantastic race results is a fool. The greater fool still is the fan who denies that when the master puppeteer, Bjarne "Mr 60%" Riis is pulling the strings, "probs doping" is the operative phrase.

Tyler and Ivan both suddenly went from really strong to insanely strong. Let's not forget Bobby J's resurgence either, though Jullich's never been found to be a doper. Are we to believe all this is due to some glorified paintball boot camp? Even this generally optimistic and positive reporter knows that CSC's military-style team-building exercises do not make anyone ride faster.

Fabian, your ride was amazing and I, for one, admire your panache and your enthusiasm for our sport, but fear the worst. My vocabulary is not colorful enough to speak for my degenerate colleague Mr. 60, but he no doubt thinks you're a shameless ****ing doper.

Boonen: Belgian, Classy, Pretty

Tom Boonen has long been a source of inspiration here at Cycopaths HQ. Aside from being a beast on the bike, he shares other great qualities with your humble authors: class, charm and devastating good looks. It is especially his classiness that distinguishes him from the likes of the father of Ewan McEwen.

McEwen is like the hot girlfriend you can't dump because she's, well, so hot. He's ridiculously fast and as seen on Sunday, a true hardman of the peloton, but he's also destructive and a real ass when things don't go well for him. To wit, at the end of yesterday's stage, the contrast between Robbie "Headbutt" McEwen and our man Torpedo Tom was evident: Boonen was graciously trying to get out of the way so the press could mob his victorious teammate Steegmans, while the quick little troll from Down Under was seen angrily shoving said press corps out of his nowhere-near-victory way. A picture says a thousand words I always say, so somebody send us a screencap of Robbie doing the shoving and we'll put your name in lights!

Tour Preview!

Is this the face of a champion?

On the eve of the 2007 Tour de France, Cycopaths readers are no doubt wondering what we think will come of this Tour. Well, aside from another doping scandal, natch. While I won't tell you who will win, I'll tell you who won't, and that's Cadel Evans. How is this guy ever considered one of the favorites? He's won exactly one race since 2004 [A Tour of Romandie 2006 stage, Ed.]. At least we can be pretty sure he's not a doper, though, and you never know who will be left standing when the (dope) smoke clears. Perhaps Cadel can win this Tour eleven years from now like Indurain.

Indurain won six Tours

One more finger, Miguel.

As we, the Cycopaths prepare our 2007 Tour de France previews, I find myself reflecting on the 1996 Tour. I still believe that our hero, Miguel Indurain, had he not cracked because of Bjarne "Mr. 60%" Riis' attacks, would have controlled the race and won. However, recent developments have led me to the conclusion that he is the real winner anyway, despite his "11th" placing. On to the investigation!

Consider the GC of the '96 Tour. The top three had more EPO in them than a whole ward of recovering cancer patients. Laurent Dufaux, Festina, need I say more? Luc Leblanc we know was a doper -- just read between the lines of Graeme Obree's book about the time he kindasortamaybe went pro with le Groupement. Ugrumov was Raimundas Rumsas before Rumsas himself, i.e. doping for sure. Olano? Known doper. Escartin, well, not sure there but I'm sure we can dig something up. Rominger, look at his hour record numbers and try to tell me he didn't have track marks between his toes. That leaves only Peter Luttenberger ahead of Indurain, and nobody's ever heard of him since so he too was probably on something (inconsistency is the hallmark of the doper!).

So there you have it, we now know why Lance went for number seven: the "top ten" of the '96 Tour should have been DQ'd, and Indurain awarded his sixth victory. ¡Aupa!