Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Is this the face of a champion? (NSFW)


If your first thought in seeing the picture above is, "DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT THING?!?", you're not alone, that's all I gotta say. Well that and close your browser before your boss sees what's on your screen.

No, that's not the Zodiac killer, it's Cadel Evans. Looking odder than ever at the Team Silence Lotto presentation, he suddenly finds himself elevated by the ASO to Tour favorite. What's that? The organizers of le Tour are picking favorites? Well, yes, after a fashion. Indeed, last season's Doping All Stars, Team Astana, freshly stocked with doping investigation subject and Tour winner Alberto Contador, not to mention third-place Levi "peak too soon" Leipheimer, are living a teenage girl's worst nightmare, not being invited to the party of the year.

Clearly the French are done with losing le Tour to Spaniards and Americans. Of the 22 Tours run since the last time a Frenchman won (1985, if you're not old enough to remember), 10-11 have been won by Americans and 7-8 by Spaniards, depending on how you count. By banning Astana from the 2008 edition of cycling's big dance, both the leading Spanish and American contenders are removed from the race. Quelle coincidence!

Incredibly, possibly the next favorite on the list, eternal contender / occasional finisher Andreas Kloden is out too. When I'm done recovering from the shock (of seeing Cadel's pic, natch), another favorite will come to me, but by then he'll probably be banned too. If someone can think of a French rider who's won a Pro-Tour race of consequence, let me know. I'll do a piece on him as a Tour '08 front-runner.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Who needs makeup when you can have an Orca?

Clinique boardroom wall, unknown photographer.

I'm never, ever leaving home again without my CR1. Seriously! Carbon fiber is the new black. Or something. Those ten pounds the camera adds? Gone with CF. Blemishes and zits? Poof! they are no more. Is your ass in danger of dragging on the ground? Nuh-uh, not with a plastic bike. Just ask Eva Longoria. Why would she ever go out without her Basque carbon fiber extravaganza when with it she looks like this and without... like this. Tony Parker, are you listening? Get that frame crash replacement policy in order, stat!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Frank Schleck is a homo...

Feeling uncomfortable, Frankie?

...phobe. In a curiously unattributed Competitive Cyclist article full of deep truths such as "do not think a group ride of Cat 3's is anything like a pack of pros", Frank Schleck is shown, nay, put on display for having problems with man love. Frank takes issue with being called a "faggot" by a passing jackass motorist. A pro cyclist, someone who rides 20,000 miles a year never has been called queer before by a lazy, fat slob driver? Frank must not ride much in the US of A. Credit to the author for citing the Alpe d'Huez and Amstel Gold winner for having a hate problem, but one has to wonder if there's more to the story.

Imagine if that yahoo saw that Frankie shaves his chest.

Someone should sit Frank Schleck down to watch "American Beauty" before he does something truly rash.