New Jersey hates cycling, common sense

Apparently New Jersey thinks that quick-release wheels are a big problem. So big, that it's more important for lawmakers to ban them than to, say, pay attention to mathematics education or crime (unless of course you consider making it more difficult to steal wheels to be crime-fighting).

BUT IT'S FOR THE CHILDREN!!!

How children are being harmed by quick-release wheels is unclear. What is totally clear is that politicians have no @#$%ing clue, more so than usual, when bicycles are the issue. Cyclist killed on 9W [major cycling route out of NYC -Ed.]? Ban bikes from riding there! Children need saving from QR wheels? Ban them! (the wheels, not the children, though that may not be far behind -- can't be harmed if they're banned, right? it just makes sense). In any case, we recommend the Welsh "harness of oranges" as a safety device:

Anything for the children

The 80s called: they want their panache back

In today's Dauphiné Libéré, Christophe "The Tongue" Moreau showed us all how it's done. At 36 year old, "le chien" still has it, winning the stage the old fashioned way, riding the hardest. For possibly the first time ever, I find myself admiring old Cristophe. Until now, I've always thought of him as well, downright annoying. Maybe it's the pathetic attempts at growing a beard. Maybe it's the tongue? Physical defects aside, let us not forget the Festina connection (leaving the fact that he's French out of it -- what is with the French and doping-scandal-tainted riders becoming national heroes?). Despite it all, Moreau made me feel warm and fuzzy today. There's nothing like a guy dragging a break across the countryside and still winning the race. Way to go, old man!

Speaking of the DL, was I not right about Levi Leipheimer? Even he admits now that he peaks too early. Here's what the American pseudo-stage-racer had to say about last year's poor timing:

"I really wanted to win the Dauphiné because I grew up with this race when I heard of Greg LeMond going for it. I thought it was really nice to put my name in the record books but I might have missed some strength because of that at the Tour. This time, I'm hoping to have delayed my peak form a little bit."

Remember, you heard it here first. Staying on the topic of talented Americans with unfulfilled potential, it's been pretty clear that Tom Danielson doesn't have the stomach for the big races (really!), dropping out with yet another spot of digestive distress. Good luck making the Tour squad, Tommy!

Platogrande for President?

Watching the presidential debates, my better half suggested that maybe I should run for President. Presumptuous? I think not. Let's check the facts. Charm and wit? Check! Devastating good looks? Check! Intelligent opinions on everything? Check! What else is there? Ah, yes, a running mate. An obvious choice would be my colleague, Mr. 60%, but I figured I'd be more electable with someone more famous, someone recognizable across the world, not just in the US. I hit upon Lance Armstrong. It seemed like a great idea, a Platogrande/Armstrong ticket, but then I realized that I'm not quite old enough and, more importantly, Lance would probably have me assassinated to gain the Presidency for himself. If a bloody weapon was seen being tossed into a dumpster from Lance's presidential motorcade, the new White House Chief of Staff Johan Bruyneel (is he even a US citizen?) would somehow explain it away. No, my friends, running for President would be too risky so I'll stick to blogging for now.

I want my, I want my EPO

Dear readers, I tell you, la EPO must be a helluva drug. Not that I've ever tried it, but now I understand why Lance used to sleep in an altitude tent and why so many pros do, umm, training camps in Mexico. Hiking across the Grand Canyon these last few days with a big backpack was like altitude, resistance, and cross training all rolled into one. Maybe it's my imagination, but after some time at 8000+ feet, deep breaths seem a little deeper, the next cog seems a little closer... indeed, this morning your humble servant Platogrande was seen flying up the Williamsburg Bridge on his daily commute, leaving behind hipsters and Hassidim alike. Never mind that Dominican fixie rider who dropped me like a bad habit ("on your left, papi!"). Now where'd that stupid needle go?

Child Leads Best Young Rider Classification

Seriously now, how old is Andy Schleck, anyway? 13? 14, tops.
And he's the revelation of this year's Giro.
He's riding so strong that he even made 'The Killer' turn pussy:
"I'm particularly afraid of Schleck," said Danilo Di Luca "We don't know him."
Wow, huh?
When Mr. 60 was fourteen he wasn't leading a major classification in an international stage race, he was doing what normal 14 year olds do: leading a crew of Dominican stick up kids at the Brooklyn House of Detention.
You know how we do in BK. I'll fucking shank you just for clicking on a link, word is bond.

French going soft?

Cycopaths' Italian correspondent, Ghost Face Climber, has checked in with the following special report on Mickael Buffaz' escape in yesterday's Giro stage (previously covered by Mr. 60%):
Perhaps not accustomed to a Frenchman leading a race, Mickael Buffaz suffered a mental breakdown when faced with the reality of being five minutes up on the peloton.  Buffaz was seen crying by the side of the road, saying "OMGWTF now everyone will see how big my ass is!".  The peloton, unfazed by Buffaz' internationally televised posterior, caught the embarrassed Frenchman before Italian TV was able to locate Sir Mix-a-Lot for a phone interview.

Don't cry for me, Cofidis-ina

In yesterday's Giro stage, young Frenchmen Mickael Buffaz inadvertently found himself ahead of the peloton by five minutes. He'd gone for an intermediate sprint at the same time that the group decided to sit up and take it easy.So what did the enterprising young man do? Did he realize his once in a lifetime opportunity? Did he put his head down and head for certain glory at the finish line? Ha! He's French, remember? He pulled over to the side of the road and cried in team manager Eric Boyer's arms."He cracked emotionally," explained Boyer."He didn't know what he had to do. This is his first Grand Tour and hewas afraid that his move would be badly interpreted." Buffaz wascaught after 147 kilometers off the front, and he's the new leader ofthe "Fuga Gilera" trophy, which is based on the number of kilometerscovered in breakaways.Alert Velo Magazine! Richard Virenque's successor has been found!