Boonen: Belgian, Classy, Pretty

Tom Boonen has long been a source of inspiration here at Cycopaths HQ. Aside from being a beast on the bike, he shares other great qualities with your humble authors: class, charm and devastating good looks. It is especially his classiness that distinguishes him from the likes of the father of Ewan McEwen.

McEwen is like the hot girlfriend you can't dump because she's, well, so hot. He's ridiculously fast and as seen on Sunday, a true hardman of the peloton, but he's also destructive and a real ass when things don't go well for him. To wit, at the end of yesterday's stage, the contrast between Robbie "Headbutt" McEwen and our man Torpedo Tom was evident: Boonen was graciously trying to get out of the way so the press could mob his victorious teammate Steegmans, while the quick little troll from Down Under was seen angrily shoving said press corps out of his nowhere-near-victory way. A picture says a thousand words I always say, so somebody send us a screencap of Robbie doing the shoving and we'll put your name in lights!

Boonen: Splainin' To Do

What happened to Boonen during Flanders?

The press is reporting that he crashed heavily and hurt his wrist. It's being said that he was badly hurt and couldn't put any pressure on the arm afterwards. This could begin to explain his poor performance, (12th-ed.) but only if he were anybody else.

Staf Scheirlinckx? Wow buddy! Super nice ride!

Whats that, Björn Leukemans? Your hurt your wittle wist? And still came in twelfth? Bravo!

But Tom Mother Fucking Boonen? Come on man! You're supposed brush that shit off.

You're supposed to be able to have a horrific crash, one where you land on your two front teeth, lose a few fingers in the spokes, proceed to brush yourself off, jump back on the bike, rip off the injured arm, hit Leif Hoste across the face with it a few times, fix your hair and go on to attack on the Paterberg. And then win.

So, what really happened to Tom? We welcome reader explanations below.

This article has nothing to do with boxing, Frank.

Boonen: Yankee Fan

Yes, Mr. 60 is a Google Image ninja.

Boonen: They're Heavy on the Hills

Tornado Tom convincingly won the bunch sprint of yesterday's 62nd edition of the Dwars door Vlaanderen. Since then, much has been made about his winning gesture. It seems Tom pointed downwards as he crossed the line. Since he recently had his Quick-Step team bike sponsor Specialized build him a new bike, many assumed he was celebrating the success of the new ride.
But here at Cycopaths we know the truth: he wasn't pointing at the bike, rather he was showing the world his balls.
Lore Van de Weyer knows what we're taking about.

Boonen Loves Getting Second Place

Alexandr Kolobnev won the third stage of the Paris-Nice race Wednesday after spending almost all of the 215 kilometer stage broken away.
Tom Boonen led the bunch in the sprint to the line for second. Boonen was unaware that the CSC man had taken the stage and raised both hands as he crossed the line.

Uhh, Tom?

If you or I had miscalculated our placing in a finish we'd be pretty embarrassed. But this is Tom Boonen we're talking about.

Tornado Tom can pretty much do whatever the hell he wants. If he wants to stop right before the finish line and sacrifice the life of a chicken in honour of his 165th place then that's fine by us. Shit, he could come in last and do the worm across the line and we'd clap like idiots.

Victory!

Young Tom practicing his moves