VDB: Aquitted, Nuts

It is with great pleasure that we announce that Cycopaths favorite, the Bobby Brown of Belgian Cycling, Frank Vandenbrouke has been acquitted of doping offences by a Belgian court of appeal. They ruled that the one-day specialist had already been punished with a sporting suspension.
"He was acquitted on the basis that you cannot be punished for the same offence twice," a prosecution spokesman said.

While Mr. 60 applauds the court's decision, we can't help but question the rationale for it. Although VDB served a six month suspension from the sport in 2002, that's not really a punishment. It's like forbidding a paraplegic from delivering pizza.

The real reason for this is acquittal is that the courts realized that they could do nothing to Frank that Frank hasn't already done to himself. In that delicate little mind of his, among the cow bells and unicorns, Frank thinks he's from Atlantis and that every weekend he swims among us to look after his chipmunks.

Anyway, the courts knew better than to pick on VDB. It's like bullying a mentally challenged child. Sure you make him cry, but so does the scary dog at the supermarket.

Look at me when I'm talking to you, Frank.

Doping Charges Against VDB Dropped

The drug possession charges against Frank Vandenbrouke have been dismissed by Belgian authorities.

The court of appeals in Brussels, Belgium, dismissed the charges Wednesday morning, noting that he had already served a six-month suspension.

In a prepared statement issued exclusively to Cycopaths, Mr. Vandenbroucke had this to say:

"My knee is still recovering from the surgery and once that heals I'll be sure to hold up a bank, pull a shotgun on my wife, or enter the Miss Belgium competition. My fans can rest assured that I won't be racing any time soon. No, don't worry about that."

VDB Optimistic

Cyclingnews.com's Susan Westemeyer reports that Frank Vandenbroucke is in the middle of physical therapy for the knee which was operated on last month and can't race again until the end of April, but he is already planning his season. "My intention is to be ready for the start of the Giro," he told Het Laatste Nieuws. "There are still 70 days, so it must be possible."

Yes Frank, it is possible. Also possible is Mr. 60 falling for a beautiful Brazilian architect with the soul of a poet who will buy him a sailboat, negotiate him a contract with the Quickstep cycling team, make him cold, sweet capirinhas, and tell him he's got the most handsomest man in the world. It's possible, but it's not going to happen and I'm definitely not going to announce it to the press.
Why? Because then the headline in May will read:
Mr. 60: Delusional Liar

VDB, Mussseuw: "Why You Gotta Bring Up Old Shit?"

Both VDB and Johan Musseuw are back in the news for all the wrong reasons.

Johan has admitted to using performing enhancing drugs, but says he only did so during his last year as a professional. At a press conference on Tuesday:

"In the last year of my career, I made a mistake. I wanted to finish my career beautifully. So I did things that weren't allowed. In preparation for a few important races, I did not play the game one hundred percent honestly."

One bad year shouldn't taint a whole career, right?
Bravo, Johan, bravo. Few cyclists have the cojones to go on record with their moral relativist beliefs. Mr. 60% applauds you. Besides, you were busy during your last year anointing the new Lion of Flanders. It was beautiful when you passed the torch to Tornado Tom. I just hope you didn't share needles.

And what of VDB? I'm starting to confuse him with Kate Moss' boyfriend, old what's his name. How can someone who's achieved so little demand so much attention?
The latest controversy surrounding Vandenbroucke concerns his alleged used of two ampules of testosterone back in 1999. Admitting it would be one thing, but VDB swears he's innocent (remember). He won in Liege and Het Volk in '99, and nothing of value since. So why bring this up now?

Mr. 60% doesn't see a point; He cheated on his first girlfriend during his freshman year, but he's not going to track her down now and buy her a pearl necklace.