TO sez...

Back from a long hiatus, your friend and humble servant platogrande is here to introduce a new Cycopaths feature, the Terrel-O-Meter. From time to time, the Cycopaths will be offering cycling-related product reviews, with a final score assigned to a product on a sliding scale, based on reactions from one of our great sources of inspiration, the inimitable Terrel "TO" Owens:

"The TO stamp of approval"





"Terrel sez meh'"



"Terrel sez think about it"




"Terrel sez nuh-uh"

A Lie Grows in Brooklyn

So it seems Floyd will hold a rally in Mr. 60%'s hometown. Judging from the comments posted on nyvelociyty.com, the NYC cycling community is being torn apart over this visit. Here's hoping the scandal doesn't get out of hand. He's charging a $35 fee in order to raise money for his defense fund.

Wouldn't paying this be like donating money to Nixon's campaign after his resignation?

Nonetheless, both Platogrande and Mr. 60 will be there to file opposing viewpoint reports for our dear readers. You can trust that Mr. 60 will be as doubtful as a cynic on a Loch Ness investigation and Plato, there to support Flandis, will be...Rainbow Bright.

Ivan Basso in Fat Camp

The Discovery Channel cycling team is in Solvang, California this week for a "training camp".
Could it be that the blue (now black) train are really attending Full Spectrum Recovery en mass, a private Solvang drug rehabilitaion center?
Rehab has done wonders for Lindsay Lohan's image; imagine what it could do for the unrepentant party boy of the peloton Benoit Joachim.
Details to follow....
Hey Ivan, how many days have you been sober?

VDB, Mussseuw: "Why You Gotta Bring Up Old Shit?"

Both VDB and Johan Musseuw are back in the news for all the wrong reasons.

Johan has admitted to using performing enhancing drugs, but says he only did so during his last year as a professional. At a press conference on Tuesday:

"In the last year of my career, I made a mistake. I wanted to finish my career beautifully. So I did things that weren't allowed. In preparation for a few important races, I did not play the game one hundred percent honestly."

One bad year shouldn't taint a whole career, right?
Bravo, Johan, bravo. Few cyclists have the cojones to go on record with their moral relativist beliefs. Mr. 60% applauds you. Besides, you were busy during your last year anointing the new Lion of Flanders. It was beautiful when you passed the torch to Tornado Tom. I just hope you didn't share needles.

And what of VDB? I'm starting to confuse him with Kate Moss' boyfriend, old what's his name. How can someone who's achieved so little demand so much attention?
The latest controversy surrounding Vandenbroucke concerns his alleged used of two ampules of testosterone back in 1999. Admitting it would be one thing, but VDB swears he's innocent (remember). He won in Liege and Het Volk in '99, and nothing of value since. So why bring this up now?

Mr. 60% doesn't see a point; He cheated on his first girlfriend during his freshman year, but he's not going to track her down now and buy her a pearl necklace.

The End of the Internets

As you already know, Mr. 60% travels to the end of the world wide web to bring you the best in staged celebrity portraiture. He's found what may be the best website ever (this week).

It seems that an unfortunately coiffed young Frenchman likes to stand next to, and awkwardly touch, famous people celebrities: Denzel Washington, Sly Stallone, er, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and (wait for it) Mauricio Ardilla! He's got the pictures to prove it.

Tell me that's not a razor blade around his neck.

This reminds me of serial killers that keep trophies of their victims, but this guy is more desperate and maybe a little creepier. Also, is it me, or does Mayo seem a little more excited than anyone else? And Roberto Laiseka is, in fact, a zombie.

Click to make the magic happen

Cycling Blogs Cause of Violence, Strife in World

An in depth Cycopaths investigation into the effect of cycling blogs on society has uncovered a startling truth: snarky satire on professional cycling is now the leading cause of douchebaggery in the NYC racing scene.
What was once solely the domain of earnest, humourless weekend warriors is now over run with funny, sarcastic people. This dynamic movement away from the historically sweet world of bike racing has been brought about by a consortium of power hungry two wheeled media moguls intent on the destruction of all things pure. The draconian practice of allowing anonymous posting on the Internet is a common mind control tactic and stands against all notions of free will.
All riders with a sense of the absurd are complicit in this dark conspiracy.
In a related story, it is now believed that rock and roll corrupts innocent young minds and dancing leads to promiscuity.
See also:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJPcD5UIpDw

Aupa Iban!

Q: Iban, by how much will you win the tour?

A: By THIS much!