Werner Franke: Handsome, Smart and Psychic

Remember Werner Franke, the German 'anti-doping crusader'? He's the fellow who incited the Germans to turn their backs on prodigal son Jan Ullrich based on his personal interpretation of the Operation Puerto documents.

On October 26, 2006 a judge ruled that there was no proof of Jan's involvement with doper to the stars Eufaniano Fuentes. All inquiries should have stopped there, right?

Not Franke's.

That's where his remarkable understanding of the Spanish language came into play. He read the Operation Puerto documents, supplied by a mysterious source (I'm looking at you Lance), and was able to see what no one else could: that Jan spent 35,000 euros a year in doping supplies.

He announced these findings on German television while clutching the incriminating documents in his hands.

The tides turned yesterday when a court in Hamburg, Germany, upheld an injunction against Franke prohibiting him from making such claims against Ullrich.

And now we find out the truth: the esteemed Doctor can't even read Spanish.

So we must assume that Franke must have deduced his awful truths about Jan through his remarkable powers of divination.

He needn't worry about being discredited, though. He can get start a second career as a personal astrologer to Dick Pound.

For the record, what is an anti-doping crusader anyway? Does Franke have adamantium claws? Can he fly? Neither, I believe.
In that case, since when was flapping one's crusty lips to the press a super power? And, if it were, would Ari Fleischer be more like Wonder Woman or Rogue?

And speaking of credibility, look at Franke's teeth. They look like half eaten yellow Chiclets. Would you trust a Doctor with such teeth?