Jan = Jan; World Shocked

The quiet news day that I so eloquently complained about earlier is no more. As our esteemed colleague Platogrande reported below, today's breaking story surrounds cycling's own Lee Majors: Jan Ullrich.

Jan's DNA matches that found in blood bags seized from Dr Eufemiano Fuentes last May.

Mr. 60 doesn't understand what all the fuss is about, though. Did anyone expect a different result? If you enter Mr. 60's bedroom, will you not find a young Brazilian girl in bondage gear?

How could anyone feign surprise?

What confuses me is why the same testing isn't being done with Ivan Basso and Tyler Hamilton, both central figures in the Operacion Puerto investigation. Sure, they had to sit out a few races and sign new contracts but we're bound to see them racing in the Giro next month.

We hate to see these guys racing in the Pro Tour again, while Ulle is being vilified. What's that you say? I'm being hypocritical?

Sure, but I'm Mr. 60 P-to-the-fucking-ercent, and this is my blog. I can do whatever I want. If I want to contradict myself, I'll contradict myself.

If I want you to look at mouse tits, you will look at mouse tits.

Anyway, we think it is totally unfair that Jan is taking the heat for and has had his career ended by this performance enhancing witch hunt while unrepentant douchebags like Basso get a big money contract with Lance's dirty team.

Can we get DNA sample off of that?

Once upon a time, before repeated doping scandals turned his heart cold and dead, Mr. 60 believed in the inherent goodness of cycling. He even used to cheer for both Tyler and Ivan. Shit, we even felt bad when Tyler's dog, Tugboat (RIP), died. Now we want to exhume the body for evidence of foul play.

Tyler and his wife Haven (left, without the tennis ball).

Nonetheless, Mr. 60 still has some love for contemporary bike racing. We can't help it. Cycling nowadays is just like the women we tend to fall for: scandalous, psychotic and prone to teary denials. Oh, and on drugs of course.

We can't help but love Jan too. Despite this irrefutable evidence that he was doped, we still support Jan. And we will continue to. His lawyer says that he's being framed. Fine. Sure. Whatever.

Jan, we hardly knew ye. Well, mostly.