Cadel still isn't going to win

It has been suggested on these very pages that perhaps I don't like Australians. That's not true, at all. However, I admit to being pleased to see Cadel Evans doing his thing: hanging around but not winning anything (unless, of course, Vino is formally stripped of his TT win for being a doper). Why does the sight of Cadel admirably hanging on then getting dropped like a bad habit make me feel warm and fuzzy? It must be because I know he won't win. All signs, in fact, point to Cadel finishing second or third in Paris. By his own admission, the last TT doesn't suit his characteristics, so too bad, maybe next time, Cadel! In fact, the Cycopaths are so confident, that we plan to give live or near live on-the-ground coverage of what is no doubt going to be a jubilant celebration in Madrid. That's right, this reporter has packed his folding bike and is off to Alberto Contador's hometown. If you're wondering where my lazy colleague Mr. 60% has gone, he's been busy commenting on other blogs.

Deutschland Uber Doping

Today's "oh snap" moments come to us courtesy of T-Mobile's Patrick Sinkewitz. Not only did the former Tour of Germany winner put a 78 year old Tour fan into a coma with his teeth (how does that happen?), but now reports are coming out that he's just like everybody else a doper. That's right, another positive testosterone test. The result? German TV is done with le Tour. Never mind the fact that the positive test was taken during a training camp. Sure it was shortly before this year's Tour, but what next? Can we assume that if news comes out that the East German Olympians doped back in the day (shocking!) that Beijing '08 is off the sched too? I hope our readers in Germany get Eurosport!

VDB: Patron Saint of Teh Cycopaths

What's that, Bill? Here. Let me roll that for you.

Nothing concerning VDB surprises us anymore. Really!
The latest controversy surrounding cycling's own Lindsay Lohan (skinnier, more Belgian) are reports that he has run away with a married woman from Deinze, Belgium and her 22 month-old child to Normandy.
Of course he did! Not mentioned in any news report is that Frank is under the impression that he's on tour with Funkadelic's George Clinton and Ghetto Boys' Bushwick Bill.

Cycopaths: Talented, Famous

This is where you go to meet the Cycopaths

If you've ever had doubts about the popularity of the Cycopaths, put them away, because we're but one step short of having to fight-off the paparazzi. You know you're famous when a random person on the subway has read your blog. That's right, while I was taking the subway instead of riding the new carbon fiber Platogrande-mobile in the pouring rain, an admirer of the fiber weave of the Scott CR1 in my clutches -- obviously a fellow with excellent taste in bikes and blogs -- enthusiastically said when told about cycopaths.net, "Yeah, I've read that blog before." Can Oscar party invites and rehab be far behind?

Mr. 49%? I hope not.

Fabulous Fabian Cancellara's win in yesterday's Stage 3 of le Tour was absolutely thrilling. Well, until about five seconds after he crossed the line, when I remembered which team he is on and who runs that team. Any fan who is not skeptical these days of any fantastic race results is a fool. The greater fool still is the fan who denies that when the master puppeteer, Bjarne "Mr 60%" Riis is pulling the strings, "probs doping" is the operative phrase.

Tyler and Ivan both suddenly went from really strong to insanely strong. Let's not forget Bobby J's resurgence either, though Jullich's never been found to be a doper. Are we to believe all this is due to some glorified paintball boot camp? Even this generally optimistic and positive reporter knows that CSC's military-style team-building exercises do not make anyone ride faster.

Fabian, your ride was amazing and I, for one, admire your panache and your enthusiasm for our sport, but fear the worst. My vocabulary is not colorful enough to speak for my degenerate colleague Mr. 60, but he no doubt thinks you're a shameless ****ing doper.

Boonen: Belgian, Classy, Pretty

Tom Boonen has long been a source of inspiration here at Cycopaths HQ. Aside from being a beast on the bike, he shares other great qualities with your humble authors: class, charm and devastating good looks. It is especially his classiness that distinguishes him from the likes of the father of Ewan McEwen.

McEwen is like the hot girlfriend you can't dump because she's, well, so hot. He's ridiculously fast and as seen on Sunday, a true hardman of the peloton, but he's also destructive and a real ass when things don't go well for him. To wit, at the end of yesterday's stage, the contrast between Robbie "Headbutt" McEwen and our man Torpedo Tom was evident: Boonen was graciously trying to get out of the way so the press could mob his victorious teammate Steegmans, while the quick little troll from Down Under was seen angrily shoving said press corps out of his nowhere-near-victory way. A picture says a thousand words I always say, so somebody send us a screencap of Robbie doing the shoving and we'll put your name in lights!

Tour Preview!

Is this the face of a champion?

On the eve of the 2007 Tour de France, Cycopaths readers are no doubt wondering what we think will come of this Tour. Well, aside from another doping scandal, natch. While I won't tell you who will win, I'll tell you who won't, and that's Cadel Evans. How is this guy ever considered one of the favorites? He's won exactly one race since 2004 [A Tour of Romandie 2006 stage, Ed.]. At least we can be pretty sure he's not a doper, though, and you never know who will be left standing when the (dope) smoke clears. Perhaps Cadel can win this Tour eleven years from now like Indurain.