Ivan Basso in Fat Camp

The Discovery Channel cycling team is in Solvang, California this week for a "training camp".
Could it be that the blue (now black) train are really attending Full Spectrum Recovery en mass, a private Solvang drug rehabilitaion center?
Rehab has done wonders for Lindsay Lohan's image; imagine what it could do for the unrepentant party boy of the peloton Benoit Joachim.
Details to follow....
Hey Ivan, how many days have you been sober?

VDB, Mussseuw: "Why You Gotta Bring Up Old Shit?"

Both VDB and Johan Musseuw are back in the news for all the wrong reasons.

Johan has admitted to using performing enhancing drugs, but says he only did so during his last year as a professional. At a press conference on Tuesday:

"In the last year of my career, I made a mistake. I wanted to finish my career beautifully. So I did things that weren't allowed. In preparation for a few important races, I did not play the game one hundred percent honestly."

One bad year shouldn't taint a whole career, right?
Bravo, Johan, bravo. Few cyclists have the cojones to go on record with their moral relativist beliefs. Mr. 60% applauds you. Besides, you were busy during your last year anointing the new Lion of Flanders. It was beautiful when you passed the torch to Tornado Tom. I just hope you didn't share needles.

And what of VDB? I'm starting to confuse him with Kate Moss' boyfriend, old what's his name. How can someone who's achieved so little demand so much attention?
The latest controversy surrounding Vandenbroucke concerns his alleged used of two ampules of testosterone back in 1999. Admitting it would be one thing, but VDB swears he's innocent (remember). He won in Liege and Het Volk in '99, and nothing of value since. So why bring this up now?

Mr. 60% doesn't see a point; He cheated on his first girlfriend during his freshman year, but he's not going to track her down now and buy her a pearl necklace.

The End of the Internets

As you already know, Mr. 60% travels to the end of the world wide web to bring you the best in staged celebrity portraiture. He's found what may be the best website ever (this week).

It seems that an unfortunately coiffed young Frenchman likes to stand next to, and awkwardly touch, famous people celebrities: Denzel Washington, Sly Stallone, er, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and (wait for it) Mauricio Ardilla! He's got the pictures to prove it.

Tell me that's not a razor blade around his neck.

This reminds me of serial killers that keep trophies of their victims, but this guy is more desperate and maybe a little creepier. Also, is it me, or does Mayo seem a little more excited than anyone else? And Roberto Laiseka is, in fact, a zombie.

Click to make the magic happen

Cycling Blogs Cause of Violence, Strife in World

An in depth Cycopaths investigation into the effect of cycling blogs on society has uncovered a startling truth: snarky satire on professional cycling is now the leading cause of douchebaggery in the NYC racing scene.
What was once solely the domain of earnest, humourless weekend warriors is now over run with funny, sarcastic people. This dynamic movement away from the historically sweet world of bike racing has been brought about by a consortium of power hungry two wheeled media moguls intent on the destruction of all things pure. The draconian practice of allowing anonymous posting on the Internet is a common mind control tactic and stands against all notions of free will.
All riders with a sense of the absurd are complicit in this dark conspiracy.
In a related story, it is now believed that rock and roll corrupts innocent young minds and dancing leads to promiscuity.
See also:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJPcD5UIpDw

Aupa Iban!

Q: Iban, by how much will you win the tour?

A: By THIS much!

VDB Admits Doping; Sun Rises in East

In an auto-biography to be published next month, Frank Vandenbroucke, the Whitney Houston of Belgian cycling, admits to having used EPO in the past.

According to the publisher, Borgerhoff & Lamberigts, he is quoted as saying "EPO? Everyone did it. Me too."

It is not certain yet whether Judith Regan had a hand in the deal, nor if had VDB killed Nicole Simpson, would he have done so while on EPO.

Vandenbrouke is perhaps best remembered for his dramatic 1999 Liege-Bastogne-Liege win as much as for his announcement on television prior to the race where and when he would attack. Well, that, and for having had an affair with Miss Belgium. Oh, and pulling a gun on his wife. Right, and don't forget his riding for eight teams in seven years: Cofidis, Lampre, Domo-Farm Frites, QuickStep-Davitamon, Fassa Bortolo, MrBookmaker.com, Unibet, and his current squad Aqua Sapone. He also cuts a dashing figure in crisp, white over-socks.

UPDATE! UPDATE! UPDATE! UPDATE! UPDATE!
An eagle eyed reader (and unfortunate speller- ed.) on 'another' site has brought it to our attention that VDB's publisher is now refuting the story shown above. They are quoted as saying that it was a misunderstanding and that VDB never admitted to doping. He held on to his dog's stash at one point, but did not, under any circumstances, ever admit to doping. Not in the book anyhow; only in the promotional materials for the book.

NFL Players say "no" to Dick

Dick Pounder and his WADA goons, that is. NFL Players' Union executive director Gene Upshaw questions WADA's reliability:

"I have no confidence in WADA or their kits," Upshaw told the Observer in an e-mail. "I have my doubts about WADA and their history. I am not willing to accept them as an authority on this."

It's shocking that a players' union would try to block a doping test. Next thing you know, baseball players won't want steroid tests and 40%+ of cyclist will want therapeutic use exemptions. On the other hand, WADA's credibility being challenged is a Good Thing(TM). I'm with Gene; I have no confidence in WADA, unless of course by confidence you mean belief in the ability to ruin lives.

Mysterious Birrillo Found!

The picture at left, snapped yesterday in Verona by intrepid Cycopaths photographer El Queco, may be of Operation Puerto stalwart Birillo. He was seen leaving the famous Bugiardo Hotel early in the morning.

"He emerged after dawn with one of his handlers. I'd been waiting all night and was amazed by his nonchalance. He walked to the corner, pooped on Clinton's face, and as simple as that, turned and went back into the hotel," said a stunned Queco.

Birillo first came to our attention last summer when Spanish magazine 'Interview' leaked pages of the Operation Puerto Dossier. In it, Birillo is listed as having received $70,000 of doping products. At first it was thought that Birillo was a codename for Ivan Basso, who subsequently was dropped by his CSC team from their Tour de France roster. After a thorough investigation by Spanish Authorities it was revealed that Birillo was Basso's dog, clearly vindicating the Italian rider. This freed a relieved Basso to sign for team Discovery Channel, a team with much more private and sophisticated 'training' regimen. It is not yet known why a chihuahua needs seventy grand in doping supplies, but many believe (nobody really- ed.)Birillo has therapeutic exemptions for many of them.

More as this story develops.

This Week In Beef

OldDirtySprinter, Cycopaths' Italian correspondent, reports that Damiano Cunego and Gilberto Simoni still despise each other.

Valverde Makes More Money

Despite rumours that sent shock waves through the world of greedy, over-zealous sports agents, Alejandro Valverde has decided to say T-Nobile to T-Mobile. He extended his existing contract with Spanish squad Caisse d'Epargne until 2010 and will thus not have his citizenship revoked by the Spanish authorities.

Corre Con Sinverguenzas!

Looking for some winter training excitement? Ever wonder how Jan and Danilo get in such good shape so quickly? How high can one's hematocrit get without solidifying one's blood?Find the answers to these questions and more with:

A TRIP FOR TWO TO MEXICO!
WIN A CHANCE TO TRAIN WITH TEAM TINKOFF!

That's right! Pack your blood bags!
We're (maybe) giving away a trip (itinerary) to exotic Chiapas (ok, not really) for you and your personal trainer (physician). Spend five untestable days training with Tyler and Danilo! Why shiver through your base miles in chilly Alpine, N.J. when you could be sunning yourself in Mexico's unregulated, anabolic splendour! Be the first on your club to ride 5000 k's without turning a pedal! Note that clean sharps are not provided, so please bring your own.
To enter just make a donation to Tyler and Floyd's defense funds and send a SASE to:

World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA)
Avenue du Tribunal-Fédéral 34
1005 Lausanne Switzerland

And tell them Mr. 60% sent you!
Hey Oleg! How many dopers did you sign? http://www.kommersant.com/photo/300/DAILY/2005/131/KP_63976_001_26_l.jpg

Light (45g) aero bars for only $1.75!

Get 'em while they're hot