Another day, another doper?

What, me worry?

I'd like to say that the world of cycling has been rocked by the announcement of Ivan Basso's suspension but then I'd be a liar. After all, his dog is named "Birrillo" and he did come in 16 seconds behind in a Giro stage with Simoni. How could he not be guilty?

I admit, though, to not being entirely convinced. Has anybody checked the name of Davide Rebellin's dog? If it's "Birrillo", there are going to be some very embarrassed anti-doping officials out there. Never mind the fact that Basso's victories in the Giro '06 and Tour of Denmark '05 were ridiculously dominant. Or that his DS was the namesake of my Cycopaths colleague Mr. 60%.

Apparently Italian officials are convinced that there's enough circumstantial evidence to warrant an investigation; blood bags are on the way to Italy at this very moment. DNA whacked Ullrich, why not Basso? But, we ask, when is Basso's dog getting DNA tested? and is that canine master of disguise still at large?

Does this look like a doper to you?

Deconstructing Jan

The Cycopaths proudly present the world's best coverage of Jan Ullrich, despite our lack of access, discretion, ethics, class, and shame. Meanwhile, the hometown media is busy casting aspersions on their once-beloved hero. Ullrich seemingly has nowhere to go, but we at Cycopaths believe he has a future in yellow journalism if not yellow jerseys, so Jan, we hereby extend to you an invitation to join the Cycopaths staff.

Cycopaths Ullrich coverage:

• Breaking news: DNA's a b*tch
• Jan = Jan; World Shocked
• Pardon Jan; Indict Cycling
• The Writing on the Wall is in Blood
  

The Writing on the Wall is in Blood

"Today I'm ending my career as a professional cyclist,"
- Jan Ullrich, February 26, 2007

Ah, Ulle, you knew the jig was up, it seems. While some us refused to believe that the reign of Der Kaiser as second (or fourth) fiddle was not at an end, there can surely be no doubt now. Even this optimistic, some say naive reporter has trouble believing that this dope test was "rigged", as the party line goes.

I concur with my colleague, Mr 60%, that our beloved sport of cycling is at fault more than any individual. Still, we must question why some individuals take the fall for the entire sport. Remember how Paco Mancebo retired then unretired? Why isn't his DNA being tested, we wonder. Bad luck for Ulle, or perhaps stupidity, as suggested by an avid Cycopaths reader:

Well, you do have to wonder what kind of chapucero would use a double-secret codename like "Jan". Who would have thought that it was really the Kaiser's blood? Nicely done, Eufemiano.

Given that, it does seem kind of smart of Lance to go with a guy who knows how to hide the bodies... err... blood bags.

And what of Ivan Basso, and his dog Birrillo? My theory? Birrillo disguised himself and played the part of lookout man dog.

Breaking news: DNA's a b*tch

Jan "Der Kaiser" Ullrich's DNA matches Puerto bloodbag. Stay tuned for the Cycopaths' analysis. We'll break it down like Doug E Fresh.

Evan Fields is the new "hijo rudicio"

Evander thought this was the worst day of his life until now

Boxer Evander Holyfield, in the midst of a third comeback, has been caught with his trunks down. With a bizarre situation bearing a striking resemblance to the infamous "Operación Puerto" affair, sports fans have received a shock in learning that boxers use steroids. That's right, doping scandals are not just for cyclists anymore.

What, me worry?

Father Time The 44 year old boxer is still in denial, despite the facts that he and "Evan Fields" share the same birthday, and that when a clever reporter called the telephone number listed on Evander's Evan's account, guess who picked-up? If you believe 'Vander is clean, you probably believe Michael "it's not my crack pipe" Irvin too. Shoulda used a Ron Mexico name, Evander.