Will Boonen Win Flanders-es?

Ned seems to think so.

Tommy Voeckler is Too Sexy

I always thought Tomas Voeckler looked funny on the bike. His head is always cocked at a funny angle. Now I know why: it's simply not his head.

Boonen: Yankee Fan

Yes, Mr. 60 is a Google Image ninja.

Clenbuterol

• Stage 4 - March 29: Valladolid - Alto De Navacerrada, 154.4 km
  ...
  114 José Vicente Garcia (Spa) Caisse d'Epargne 10.06
  115 Oscar Pereiro (Spa) Caisse d'Epargne
  116 Andoni Aranaga (Spa) Euskaltel-Euskadi 11.02
  ...
  
  The Cycopaths recommend:
  

Lest we be called biased reporters,

• Stage 4 - March 29: Valladolid - Alto De Navacerrada, 154.4 km
  1 Alberto Contador (Spa) Discovery Channel Pro Cycling Team 3.52.04 (39.92 km/h)
  2 Koldo Gil (Spa) Saunier Duval-Prodir
  3 Juan Jose Cobo (Spa) Saunier Duval-Prodir 0.28
  ...
  
  The Cycopaths recommendation.

Finally a reason to go to the movies: The Flying Scotsman

"The Flying Scotsman" is the story of Graeme Obree, a talented, frustrated genius much admired by the Cycopaths. Obree's book, Flying Scotsman : Cycling to Triumph Through My Darkest Hours is an addicting read, and Obree himself had a hand in the movie so expectations are high. According to an ad in Bicycling magazine (don't laugh, we get it for free), the film starts showing in select theaters in Chicago, Philly, SanFran, Boston, DC, Seattle in the US on April 20th. Obviously the only reason it's not showing in NYC right away is because MGM forgot that that it is where we, the Cycopaths, are based. It's really the only logical explanation, after all.

Boonen: They're Heavy on the Hills

Tornado Tom convincingly won the bunch sprint of yesterday's 62nd edition of the Dwars door Vlaanderen. Since then, much has been made about his winning gesture. It seems Tom pointed downwards as he crossed the line. Since he recently had his Quick-Step team bike sponsor Specialized build him a new bike, many assumed he was celebrating the success of the new ride.
But here at Cycopaths we know the truth: he wasn't pointing at the bike, rather he was showing the world his balls.
Lore Van de Weyer knows what we're taking about.

Bjarne: Danish, Liar

Over the weekend a Belgian television show pointed new allegations against 1996 Tour de France winner Bjarne Riis. Former soigneur Jef d'Hont said several Telekom riders used the banned blood booster EPO in the mid-1990s and accused Riis of riding with a hematocrit level well above the 50-percent cutoff later established as a healthy parameter.
d'Hont said Riis had a hematocrit of 64 at one time during the Tour, caused by the use of EPO.

This is a huge story here in Cycopaths land. We are shocked, SHOCKED, at these scurrilous accusations. Your intrepid reporter may even have to change his name. Mr 64% anybody?

Riis has issued a rather cryptic denial, saying, "To me, it's all in the past and I do not wish to be held accountable every time someone finds it interesting to bring up some ten-year-old story. I truly believe the future is much more important than the past. I want to be judged on the work I'm doing with my team today, and the results we achieve - that is what's important to me."
Right, Bjarne. Why they gotta bring up old shit?
It is only fair that you should be judged on the work you've done with your team. That's beyond reproach, right? Except for Tyler Hamilton and Ivan Basso, of course.
No, you have Sastre. He hasn't tested positive yet.

Get the needle, Ivan, it looks ready.

Then Why Aren't Basso's That Big?

The just released Anna Nicole Smith autopsy results reveal that she was injecting herself with Human Growth Hormone in addition to a mixture of prescription sedatives, tranquilizers, pain and allergy drugs. Authorities are classifying her death as an accidental overdose.
Overdose? Sounds more like Discovery's rest day lunch menu.

Don't worry Ivan, just a few more treatments.

King James Bible Bicycle

Dwayne Wade made it cool for NBA players to ride a bicycle, but only in the process of shilling for Lincoln's pimp mobile Navigator SUV. Wade's '03 Draft classmate Lebron James, though, is putting his money where his mouth is, purchasing an undisclosed interest in Cannondale.

Lebron leads the pack into the finishing straight

I'll be honest, this news makes me feel funny inside. I am certainly happy to see an athlete from the Four Major US Sports(TM) (someone tell me why hockey still counts) promoting bike riding. On the other hand I have to wonder why someone didn't tell Lebron to invest in a cool company like Orbea or maybe even Cervélo if he wanted to keep it real on the NA continent.

Still, "King James" should be applauded for running an annual bike event to help out single moms:

Cannondale has teamed up with LeBron to provide bicycles for the James Family Foundation’s annual “King for Kids Bike-a-thon,” a charity bike ride event in Akron which benefits children and single mothers. For the 2006 bike-a-thon, the company designed and manufactured a custom bike for LeBron based on the Caffeine™ model design, which he has subsequently incorporated into his training regimen.

Notice also that Lebron now includes riding in his training regimen. Yeah, well I may have a vertical of about six inches but I'll bet I could drop his 6'8", 240lb ass on any terrain, any day. You hear that 'Bron-'Bron? I'm callin' you out son!

Freire wins MSR; Spain Unimpressed

Three time world champion Oscar Freire won yesterday's Milano-San Remo in impressive style. He may have just stayed home and played with his stuffed animals for all that the Spanish seemed to care.
Unless you're leading a Grand Tour, Spaniards don't really notice cyclists. Just ask fellow Costa Brava resident Juan Antonio Flecha (the Cycopaths keep a summer home there -ed). He could win Paris-Roubaix nude on a unicycle and you wouldn't hear a peep from the Spanish media.
They'd prefer a report on Dani Pedrosa's love for his helmet or on the current state of Fernando Torres' hair.

Oscar calls him "Capitán Esprint"

Dani and the love of his life.

That's right, Fernando. That shaved eyebrow makes you look tough.

Why cycling is better than other pro sports

Riders don't say stupid @#$% like this:

In this league with everything that's coming down the pike, night after night we have our backs against the wall, so we're out there to take it one play at a time, while giving 110% like we do in practice, lay it all on the line down to the wire to put some points on the board.

Shafted!

NYC cyclists are once again getting the rusty shaft from the Port Authority of NY and NJ, managers of the George Washington Bridge, our typical route to riding in NJ and Rockland County, NY. We all remember, ruefully, no doubt, the dark, seemingly endless days of the metal grating stairs along the north walkway of the GWB (the latest round in the middle of the summer, to boot). Those stairs ruined the heels of this writer's beloved carbon-soled shoes.

I know, SIDIs have replaceable heel pads. So much for "Buy American"!

Well, dear readers, the PA is back to it's old tricks again. And by old tricks I mean not giving a @#$% about anybody not driving a car. Yes, this weekend's snowstorm resulted in the canceling of many travel plans and more importantly the Grant's Tomb Criterium, but surely the mighty PA can clean off a few inches of snow and ice by Sunday afternoon. Right?

Oh no you didn't!
(That Purple Extreme stuff is like chain AstroGlide, BTW.)


Remember when this was a welcome sight?

Wrong! All ped and bike paths were indeed closed today, as can be seen in pictures sent in by Cycopaths' Bronx and Upper Manhattan correspondent MC SC. Last I checked, though, cars were getting across just fine. The good clueless folk at the PA do, however, support local businesses! (and that's Good For America(TM)) They suggest riding your non-driver arse down to the Weehawken ferry or calling a local cab company.

Would you put your carbon bling-mobile in the trunk of a taxi? Oh and hey, what's long, hard and full of seamen?

I'm surprised they didn't suggest taking a short spin up to the Bear Mountain Bridge. If you have a moment, file a complaint for the good of your fellow cycopaths.

Getting Doored: It Sucks.

In honor of the injured finger of Mr. 60's friend, JP, we offer a solution to the common problem of getting doored when riding.

Require all automakers to go the route of our German friends:

Boonen Loves Getting Second Place

Alexandr Kolobnev won the third stage of the Paris-Nice race Wednesday after spending almost all of the 215 kilometer stage broken away.
Tom Boonen led the bunch in the sprint to the line for second. Boonen was unaware that the CSC man had taken the stage and raised both hands as he crossed the line.

Uhh, Tom?

If you or I had miscalculated our placing in a finish we'd be pretty embarrassed. But this is Tom Boonen we're talking about.

Tornado Tom can pretty much do whatever the hell he wants. If he wants to stop right before the finish line and sacrifice the life of a chicken in honour of his 165th place then that's fine by us. Shit, he could come in last and do the worm across the line and we'd clap like idiots.

Victory!

Young Tom practicing his moves

Doping Charges Against VDB Dropped

The drug possession charges against Frank Vandenbrouke have been dismissed by Belgian authorities.

The court of appeals in Brussels, Belgium, dismissed the charges Wednesday morning, noting that he had already served a six-month suspension.

In a prepared statement issued exclusively to Cycopaths, Mr. Vandenbroucke had this to say:

"My knee is still recovering from the surgery and once that heals I'll be sure to hold up a bank, pull a shotgun on my wife, or enter the Miss Belgium competition. My fans can rest assured that I won't be racing any time soon. No, don't worry about that."

Mr. 60 Rides With A Legend

Mr. 60 had the most incredible training ride in Central Park this afternoon. I had the great fortune to ride with local legend Ken 'The Motor' Harris!
The man himself!
Yes, sir! I was all, "OMG, BFF!"

Mr. Harris' famous victory salute.

Ken Harris has got to be one of the classiest racers around.

Also in the park today? Lance Armstrong. Mr. 60 rode right past him on Harlem Hill.

Did Mr. 60 say hi to him? Nope.

Did he look fat? Yep.

How do you like them apples?

JensonUSA.com has brilliant marketing

March Madness: Columbia University tears-up ECCC

Columbia University is not known for athletic prowess. On the contrary, Columbia sports are best known for the second-longest losing streak in the history of college football. All that changed this past weekend, as Columbia's best sports team in recent memory left the competition gasping for air. Despite its status as a lowly club-level team at a school with a miserable NCAA track record, the Columbia Cycling Team took several outright victories in winning the team overall competition at 2007 Philly Phlyer ECCC weekend races. Perennial powerhouses such as UVM and the University of No Hope were no match for the soul-crushing thighs of the baby-blue flyers from Morningside Heights.

If I Did It: How Mr. 60 Would've Killed Otavio Bottechia

Coming soon!

Podium Girls: not so pretty in the 1920's.

Ask Mr. 60

Mr. 60% is proud to introduce a new feature to Cycopaths: unsolicited answers to other website's mail.

Yes, you read that right! We're going to gank letter's to the editor from other websites, reprint them here, and answer these people's burning questions.

All without authorization!

But don't worry, our lawyers are working night and day to keep us safe from litigation!

Our first letter is taken from VeloNews:

Dear VeloNews, There was a time I loved the sport of cycling. I raced for 17 years, not for money or glory but because I loved and love cycling. The events of the past few years, with doping and courtroom drama have left me a bit weak in the knees. What the hell is going on? Cycling in now more about lawyers, suits and appeals than it is about racing. I'm sorry, but I am not interested in this sport, I'm not a lawyer, I'm a cyclist. It's sad to say, but i don't even care any more. I just ride my bike now. I could not care less about who wins which race any more until the lawyers get their hands out of it and racers take responsibility for their own problems. Thank you for your time. I will be riding my bike. Take the media BS if you would rather do that than ride. As far as I'm concerned, the true sport of cycling is dead. Who won or will win that last tour. Exactly! its kinda stupid any more isn't it.? I bought a kayak to replace my doped up bike.

Alex Strouhal Sarasota, Florida

Exactly, Alex! How stupid any more isn't it!

While we imagine how difficult it is to ride your bike around so many lawyers (in suits!) in beautiful downtown Sarasota, we disagree with your obituary on the 'true sport of cycling.' It continues to live on as a paraplegic, but there is still hope. We expect to restore feeling and mobility using stem cells taken from the Operacion Puerto blood bags.
The eloquent prose and the purity of your sentiment expressed in your letter is reason enough for cycling to go on living. Our suggestion to you is that you continue working towards your G.E.D. and that you help ween your bike off of the drugs. And remember: don't be an enabler.

The dark side of cycling.

Stage Cancelled Due to Wind Conditions!

Quick, someone call Jason Donald.
Today's stage of the Vuelta a Murcia has been cancelled due to the dangerous wind conditions sweeping across Spain.
After windy conditions caused various crashes yesterday, the organizers decided to blow off today's stage completely. The stage was to take the riders 162 kilometres from Totana to Fortuna, but instead the riders rode only the last ten kilometers into the finishing city.
The prize money will be passed on to the family of Issac Galvez.
Galvez died during a horrific spill at the Gent Six-Day back in November. See Platogrande's tribute to a hero of Catalan cycling here.

Galvez: sprinting in the heavens

And Now I Feel Dirty: Mr. 60

Upon reading Mr. 60's in depth investigation into the life and career of Jose-Joaquin Rojas, a loyal reader (thanks Balanuez!-ed.) alerted us to the fact J.J. had an older brother named Mariano.
Mariano Rojas turned pro for the legendary Spanish squad ONCE in 1994. He was an accomplished and tireless worker -- in a team of hard workers -- for Laurent Jalabert and Alex Zulle.
Sadly, he was killed in a car accident in 1996.
Rojas died before achieving a pro victory but his placings included 2nd in the Circuit de la Sarthe 1996, 4th in the GP du Midi Libre 1995, 4th in the Tour de l'Avenir 1995 and 12th in Paris--Nice 1996.
Jose-Joaquin gallantly dedicated yesterday's victory to his brother.

And Now He's A Champion: JJ Rojas

Caisse d'Epargne rider José Joaquin Rojas Gil has just won the opening stage of the Vuelta a Murcia. In so doing, he not only scored his first professional win, but he also beat several on form sprinters; J.J. Haedo, fresh from a Tour of California victory; King of the Sprinting Squirrels, Graeme Brown, who also just won a stage in Cali; and Danilo Napolitano, first loser to Tom Boonen in the final stage of the recent Vuelta a Andalucia.

So who is this promising young Spaniard? Mr. 60 investigates.

He was born on June 8th 1985.

Yes, I know what you're thinking...and totally! That's exactly one year and five days before Mary-Kate and Ashley's b-day!

OMG! BFF right?!

He grew up in Cieza, which happens to be a small town in the region of, you guessed it, Murcia! That makes today's a hometown victory! They won't make fun of the skinny kid for not wanting to play futbol anymore.

Scenic Cieza. Is it any wonder he's a sprinter?

Mr. 60's calls to Juan Lucas Turpin, the president of the Club Ciclista Cieza, were not returned in time for publication.

When asked by Spanish daily Aula De El Mundo who his favorite cyclist was, a 17 year old Jose-Joaquin answered: Laurant Jalabert (like, duh -ed.).

He was Spain's Junior National Champion, but cycling wasn't the only thing on this talented young man's mind. It is interesting to note that while racing as an amateur, Jose Joaquin studied electromechanical engineering.

Way to multi-task!

He signed with Liberty Seguros in 2006 as a neo-professional. Following the Operacion Puerto scandal, he ended the year riding with Astana. The name of his dog has not been made public.

Twice a day in the culo, Dr. Fuentes?

Thursday's second stage will cover 177 kilometers from Totana to Fortuna, with the Alto de Espuña (Cat.1) first, and the Collado Bermejo (aka "Cima Marco Pantani", the highest point in the race) coming halfway through the stage.

Best of luck with those hills tomorrow, JJ!

VDB Optimistic

Cyclingnews.com's Susan Westemeyer reports that Frank Vandenbroucke is in the middle of physical therapy for the knee which was operated on last month and can't race again until the end of April, but he is already planning his season. "My intention is to be ready for the start of the Giro," he told Het Laatste Nieuws. "There are still 70 days, so it must be possible."

Yes Frank, it is possible. Also possible is Mr. 60 falling for a beautiful Brazilian architect with the soul of a poet who will buy him a sailboat, negotiate him a contract with the Quickstep cycling team, make him cold, sweet capirinhas, and tell him he's got the most handsomest man in the world. It's possible, but it's not going to happen and I'm definitely not going to announce it to the press.
Why? Because then the headline in May will read:
Mr. 60: Delusional Liar

Bettini Stays Classy

You are World and Olympic Champion, Paolo, but that does not excuse the helmet design you're currently rocking, man.
I mean if you're going to go all out, go all fuckin' out. Get some peacock feathers sticking out the sides, a couple of little plastic balls to hang off the back, and have a big titted blonde sit on top.

Mr. 60 is Sick

I would feel better kicking dope in Abu Ghraib with Brian Peppers as a cell mate and an 'I Heart Al Zarqawi' tattoo.

Evan Fields is the new "hijo rudicio"

Evander thought this was the worst day of his life until now

Boxer Evander Holyfield, in the midst of a third comeback, has been caught with his trunks down. With a bizarre situation bearing a striking resemblance to the infamous "Operación Puerto" affair, sports fans have received a shock in learning that boxers use steroids. That's right, doping scandals are not just for cyclists anymore.

What, me worry?

Father Time The 44 year old boxer is still in denial, despite the facts that he and "Evan Fields" share the same birthday, and that when a clever reporter called the telephone number listed on Evander's Evan's account, guess who picked-up? If you believe 'Vander is clean, you probably believe Michael "it's not my crack pipe" Irvin too. Shoulda used a Ron Mexico name, Evander.

Another Day, Another Crisis

Can this man win Paris-Roubaix?

Memphis, Tennessee rapper Project Pat has left Sony Records.

The platinum selling rapper, who is responsible for the hit song "Chickenhead," left the label he's called home since 1998.

First Floyd tests positive, Ullrich retires, and now this.

How much more can cycling take?